I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
