Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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