Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hippo gnu deer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
