Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
