His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
