Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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