I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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