Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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