I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
