I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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