my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
