I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
