I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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