found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You ate ashes out of my bong
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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