I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
