Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
