So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
