Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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