shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
