True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
