Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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