to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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