my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
