dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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