I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
