ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
