chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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