How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
