Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
