what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
