Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
