i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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