I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
