I've blown a few things in my day
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
