Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
