ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
