I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
