Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
