Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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