Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
