my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
