so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
