i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
