I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
