found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
my poor anus
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
