and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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