i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
