youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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