can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
