She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
