bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
