I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
